When you are good to others, you are good to yourself

 When you are good to others, you are good to yourself, when you are mean to others, you are mean to yourself.

A reflective piece 

During the height of the pandemic, many people looked to healthcare individuals to assist them in finding answers or providing soothing words, and words of hope and giving them humane treatments. However, sometimes institutions put barriers in place that prevents us from helping or reaching people. However, within the confines of these boundaries, you can always navigate around the barriers to reach people. This is the example of offering a client accommodation for a vaccine clinic. She refused to wear a mask or anything around her face. She had a phobia, she was claustrophobic. The important thing for me was, that she had made it a point to come to the vaccine clinic so we should be able to accommodate. That is precisely what we did. While having a conversation with her, she exchanged with me that she had recently retired at 55 years old from her job as a 911 operator with the region where we worked and she was able to do so strategically through real estate investment. She had about four properties which she manages and recently, in the soaring economic market sold one that was almost paid off and netted almost a million. That money, coupled with her pension, is ok. She doesn't live extravagantly, she is comfortable. She was willing to help me strategize if I wanted, but as the case was, it's a professional environment. I am sharing this story because in caring for people, you care for yourself. She has given me knowledge that I would have searched for, she had freely shared with me a path to freedom she used herself. Being good takes as little effort as saying please and thank you. Being good takes as little effort as being there for the other person. Be good to others and you will gradually see that your internal system will change as well. Being mean, or bad to others often is a reflection of you not loving yourself. This evidence is shown in your attitude or behaviour towards others.  Be a ray of light in someone's cloud and one day, when your clouds are dark and thunderous, someone will give you that ray of hope. Be good to you. 

Written by ©2022 Nana Yaa Yeboaa

FEAR DOES NOT DISAPPOINT: USING FEAR TO YOUR ADVANTAGE

Written by

Nana Yaa Yeboaa

In the year 2020 when the pandemic hit, many people were adversely affected both mentally and financially. Some lost their lives, others their sources of income. Life became challenging and is still challenging. Many including myself, we're stressed and overwhelmed. Unhappy with workspace and place. This propelled certain decision making that has led to the writing of this article.

Working in an institution that guarantees one’s pension, to leave is to lose a pension, to leave at this time of uncertainly is madness. Fear of losing self-control, going out of my mind, dreading the long drive and the long tedious days of expectation and workplace stress were the deciding factors. My fear of insanity was paramount. I choose to keep sanity and rather than work for a pension.

This fear made me reassess my potential. I had anticipated leaving but its immediacy was not planned, fear made me leave two years earlier. Subsequent resignation from a second institution within six months of starting brought me to the next level of my professional career. At present, a much more purposeful and satisfying role without the guarantee of pension benefits on retirement.

That is what fear does for me, it propels me. But for others, fear keeps them in a loop and a bind, a place of misery. Fear of adventure, of exploring life, of the unknown such as where our next source of income will come from, how am I going to live if I am not working, how is my old age going to be like if I do not have a pension? This fear of the unknown keeps us in a place of unhappiness. If one has the understanding that life, every day, is an adventure and be open to exploring, one may discover parts of themselves they did not even know existed. Parts of themselves that are matured and meant for greater things in life.

Understanding Fear

We all experience fear in one way or the other. Let us break it down with this article from Dale M. Kushner. The founder of The Writer's Place and the author of The Conditions of Love.  Dale talks about fear as “a neurophysiological response to a perceived threat.” Which “activates our fight-or-flight response by stimulating the hypothalamus, which directs the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenal-cortical system to prepare our bodies for danger.”  It is important to note that fear is a perception, and if it is, then it can be changed.  

Tony Robbins a highly sought-after motivational speaker speaks of fear as “a common current that runs through all of our lives. And if we let it, fear can keep us locked up in the prison of the comfortable and predictable, which prevents us from reaching our true potential”. Most importantly, Tony conveys that “living in fear causes a double conundrum where you’re unfulfilled with the status quo yet afraid to pursue anything better.” When we delve further into the subject of fear psychologist divide fear into two parts.

Innate Fears Vs. Learned Fears

You cannot say you are afraid of something without having a foundational understanding of what your fear is. Before I left my previous place of employment, each time I expressed a desire to leave, to pursue opportunities and dreams, the conversation with other people deflated the will and strength in me.  rather they share with me their fears of not being able to make it or be successful, they spoke in confidence that I had a “stable job”. Predictable. The same sense of learned fears by many immigrants kept me in place. As time progressed and I learned to understand my innate fear of failure, I began researching fear.

Innate fears are there to protect us, we are born with them. The fear of fire, hunger, being bitten by a snake.  This sense of survival that are necessary for safety. However, remember some have managed to conquer their fear of fire to become firefighters, we have agriculturist and farmers working tirelessly to ensure the world does not go hungry.

Learned Fears

For instance, I cannot understand the fear of black people by white people. This is conditioned and learned fear. Fear of technology, fear of death, the unknown amongst many others. We have been socialized in most cases to fear that we do not understand or know.

Fear is both good and bad.  Fear, for our ancestors, was a protective mechanism that either helped them survive or killed them.  However, there are many things people fear including each other, and fear of rejection. We all have fears that prevent us from moving towards our destiny and exploring our potential.

Understating What Is Important to You.

To overcome fear is to understand what is important to you. If you want to own a business but are afraid of failing, then you will never own one or operate a successful business. No businessperson will tell you they have not had failures or gone into bankruptcy. They have; however, they learn their lessons and that propels them to the next business venture(s).  For you and me, we need to understand the source of those fears and working through them one at a time. This gives you control over your fear. Thus, you ardently engage in a growth mindset.  Now, the difficulty of this period is the pandemic causing economic uncertainty for many of us. However, within the pandemic, some people have found opportunities with things they were working on. For instance, companies that were operating online business encountered a boom while some brick-and-mortar companies laid-off employees.  Many of our banking needs have gone digital which is pushing for cryptocurrencies around the world. Fear of evolution leads to distinction.

The man called Curtis Jackson or popularly known as 50cents portals overriding of fear and transcending fear. In his book hustle harder, after he was shot 9 times, he needed to get back into the game. He needed to override his fear of getting shot again by getting someone to go with him when he went for a run. Fear of failure kept him going, on the other hand, while fear of failure keeps people in bondage, for others such as Curtis Jackson, it propels them. Fear is the fuel that kicks start their engine. 50 cents used his fear of failure to transform himself, advance his career and become a millionaire. Honesty with your fear(s) and working to unfear the fear (s) is half the work.

Death by fear

Fear can kill and destroy dreams.  Fear does not disappoint when you give it the energy to go ahead. When you allow fear to dictate your life, indeed, it becomes what it is, a life lived in a bubble with no substance.  Paulo Coelho, the author of the book, the alchemist in an interview with Orpah, the author notes, “it is not enough to know what you want; you have to do what you want to be what you want”. To get to be what you want involves overcoming fear. Fear of judgment, fear of failure and or fear of the unknown. Do not let fear kill you.

Death by fear, in this section I write about people diagnosed with cancer and are palliative. Doctors give people a timeline by which they will live. People accept these timelines and begin to worry about how long they must live wallowing in fear and the fear gradually killing them.  In my nursing care with such people, those that have found purpose and live intentionally have a better quality of life have lived longer than anticipated. Thus, you choose what you want fear to do for you.  Do you want to overcome fear and excel or live under the shadows of fear and wilt?

Try some of the things that you have always wanted to do. If you need to better yourself, take a course, at least try. When I started graduate school, I told myself even if I did not pass my course (s) I still learn from the professors and my co-students, that was fear talking, I was in a class with all these young and fresh students, immigrants coming to further their education in Canada. Sometimes what we do not realize is, we have more in us in terms of experience, and the fear of failure is a good thing because the focus becomes getting better. The key is to do. If you try and it does not work out, ask yourself, what could I have done better? If you have always wanted to travel to other countries but afraid, travel to a part of North America you are unfamiliar with as a test, start from your back yard and expand the experience. Sometimes you just must do it. That is what is called, leaping faith.  Do not waste time being afraid.

Master your fear.

There is a common trend amongst individuals who are successful and wealthy in life. They tried their hands-on different jobs, businesses. Some failed repeatedly, others not so much. The common thread amongst these individuals is, they did not fear failure. Their fear was staying still and not achieving. That burning urge, that idea that nothing is impossible takes root in them. To deny them is to challenge them to hammer and wear the issue down. Many of us give up too easily. Thus, we want the easy way out. There is an easy way out, but it does not lead to wealth creation.  The life of Curtis Jackson, Oprah Winfrey, Trevor Noah shows this. When people doubted them, they pushed harder and have become the present-day motivational speakers/gurus we listen to. I want to be like Orpah, but I can not be Oprah, I can be nana Yaa Yeboaa. You and I can learn from successful individuals the paths to success they navigated and model my path like theirs.

Resources 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-VLHNpwju0

 

 

Anti-black racism, higher education, job search: a personal reflective journey.

Bernadette Mary Poku RN

October 2020

 The term anti-black racism was new to me. I had experienced racial injustice and discrimination from other immigrants; I was of the belief that they did not like black people. Likewise, understanding of being black, as in the skin color and not ancestry also played a factor in people being prejudiced. Onward into 2020, the talk of anti-black racism / discrimination became a focal point for me. I looked at work the new hires, there were immigrants and visible minorities but they were not black. The diversity talk and discussion often miss this important aspect of the social realities of black people. Anti-Black Racism is a term coined by social work professor Akua Benjamin. Anti-black racism “is defined here as policies and practices rooted in Canadian institutions such as, education, health care, and justice that mirror and reinforce beliefs, attitudes, prejudice, stereotyping and/or discrimination towards people of Black-African descent.”

Just recently, I decided to apply for a new nursing position with a different company in a small town. I have been nursing with this particular institution for over ten years. I have grown during this period as a person. I have amassed diplomatic and negotiation skills; I have learned to fight my battles and engage in winnable battles. Each day I work within the institution I see more and more of attitudes and behaviors that need to change but do not. As a black woman, I have also learned to use language that addressed race and racism, microaggressive behaviors and de-escalate issues within the healthcare setting. Although I felt confident with all my experience and education, I was also very aware of who I was and where I was. I was in a white space. After a recent interview that I felt I did well, but was too unsure, I asked the second interviewer of her opinion and if there were any questions, she would like to ask she found the interview very insightful and in-depth and really pull on different areas of nursing. Then the usual, I will hear from them. I did hear from them and got the job after the rave reviews from my previous and present clinical educator. To be able to celebrate this, I had my own emotional and psychological turmoil.

I was dealing a double consciousness. The me that my friends and I know, a smart and confident woman, an educated and passionate nurse and what the world sees, a black woman with too much of an exuberance. Would I be concerned with all these “views” about me if I was a white woman? I was not only dealing with the double consciousness of how black people see me, but how the world out there, white and other perceived non blacks perceived me, included in that is the gender aspect.  Black women are the most educated group in the United States; however, that education does not translate to earnings.  In Canada, I belong to the trend of black women getting their masters and pursuing higher education but at it all, we deal with the demons of society in the privacy of our homes. We deal with the intersectional of identity formation that has been influence by the social experiences had and the keen knowledge of anti-blackness in the country.  The awareness I have gained, as a black woman in nursing, does not correlate with the research material and discussions of experience, which are needed change narratives and policies. I question more often, how many of us have had mental breakdown due to work place violence, aggression and discrimination from management, colleagues and clients.

Although I got the job, the mental and psychological turmoil I went through was unwarranted. This occurred because of social attitudes and behaviors towards black people. Waiting for a turn down because of skin color irrespective of qualifications. The nature of and types of injustices that we deal with.

 

Reference

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/black-women-become-most-educated-group-us-a7063361.html

https://www.thoughtco.com/black-women-most-educated-group-us-4048763

https://blackhealthalliance.ca/home/antiblack-racism/

https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2009/05/14/darker_the_skin_less_you_fit.html